Sta.sh
Part of my love will remain
like the family dog by its home,
long abandoned.
Mournful eyes trained on the door,
its tail thumps at every movement
that could speak to hope--
the silent prayer that it was not left,
not forgotten,
surely not sentenced to
being utterly unwanted.
If its eyes could water, spill over in sorrow,
they would.
The floor is cold in the lonely dark,
and the shadows of the moon
bring painful memories to the deserted;
an echo of warmth that once was known.
With a tired whine that stirs the dust,
it settles into half-hallucinations that
the branches pawing at the window are keys in a lock,
and it aches to be remembered and reclaimed.
It struggles to realize that
in the eyes of its owners old,
it outgrew their love and was
no longer wanted.
No amount of howling will bring them back.
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Rejection is a tough emotion to deal with. It's hard to remember that both parties are to blame, as opposed to just one. I tend to shift between those two extremes a lot--either it's all his fault, or it's all mine. We were both wrong...I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong *now.*
What kills me is that I want him to have hurt from the break up as well. The idea that I wasn't important enough to miss tears at me like nothing else. I don't want to be vindictive, it's not who I am and it's not who I want to become. I just don't know what to do with this ache.
This is true, and yes, it is very hard. I don't believe you are doing anything wrong, you just want to keep in touch. The only thing I can think of is that perhaps he does hurt after the breakup, and perhaps it is difficult for him to talk to you or to be in contact with you. Mind you, you know him better than I do and would probably be able to guage his reactions.
Believe me, I know what you mean. To feel like you are the only one to feel the backlash, like the other person is completely indifferent. The thing is, we can never know for sure what the other person is feeling. They might be feeling just as bad, or perhaps not. Either way, it isn't something we can control, and the hardest part is accepting that and moving on from it.